Nothing More Than Cigarette Ash
by Pikachu Ate My Muffin
Summary: Ymir and Christa have completely different views, but crossing paths one unfortunate day may alter their lives in more ways than one. Human world AU, two-shot, Ymir x Christa. Warnings for language (thanks to Ymir's and Levi's dirty mouths) and mature situations.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So this is probably going to remain as a one-shot, but if I feel inclined I might add a second part. Go ahead and tell me what you think in the review box. Thank you for taking the time to read this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki No Kyojin, nor its wide array of characters.**

* * *

The early morning breeze held a slight chill as I walked out into the mid-spring air. Grumbling about the damn alarm clock and my neighbor's stupid yapping dog, I reached down to lock my apartment's front door. I cursed as dark locks of hair obscured my vision. _Should've gotten it cut last week_, I reprimanded myself, pushing the strands behind an ear.

"Ymir" spoke a blandly feminine voice. I sighed, yanking the keys out as the door's lock clicked.

"You're here early" I drawled, turning to face the shorter student behind me.

"No, you're ten minutes later than usual" the blonde argued in a mixture of boredom and irritation.

I shrugged. "It's the first day. What are they gonna do, give us detention?" I asked.

Instead of arguing, Christa reached up to straighten the collar of my shirt. She redid two more buttons while she was at it.

"Stop that" I snapped, unbuttoning her handiwork with a scowl, "you know how suffocating these uniform shirts are."

She simply smoothed out her skirt in an act of ignorance towards my words. "I see you ordered male attire, yet again."

I snorted in bitter amusement. "I'd rather die than be forced into one of those skimpy skirts."  
Christa snorted and turned to walk down the two flights of metal stairs. I followed, with slight reluctance, in the direction of our school. As we walked side by side in silence, an elderly lady waved to us with a friendly "ohayo."

Christa nodded to the lady with a soft smile. I sneered down at the shorter blonde as my mind took note of her transition. She had put on her game face, and it wasn't coming off until well past the school day. You see, that was what I hated about Christa. She was thoroughly and wholeheartedly _fake_.

I discovered this the day we met, nearly an entire year ago.

* * *

_I took a drag of the poisonous tobacco stick placed between two fingers. I held it for a second, then two, and on the third I released the vile smelling smoke into the surrounding air. I was overlooking a bridge, glaring down at the turbulent waters far below. I undid another button on my white shirt with nimble fingers, inhaling deeply._

_ It was a rather uneventful Tuesday, uncharacteristically cloudy with a high chance of rain. I was only two weeks into my first year of being a high school student, and time couldn't drift by any slower._

_ There was a sudden rustling to my right as a small girl approached. Her expression was completely blank as she began climbing the rail separating us from the roaring river below._

_ "Whoa, take it easy, blondie" I exclaimed, dropping my cigarette and reaching out to grasp her hips. "What are trying to do, kill yourself?"_

_ "Precisely" she stated, attempting to wiggle out of my firm grasp._

_ "Sorry kid, but not while I'm around" I informed, lifting her down as gently as I could. She wore my school's uniform, and I wracked my brain in an attempt to identify the suicidal student._

_ When she was set safely back on the ground, she pushed away my hands and crossed her arms over her chest. Light hair fell messily in front of her stormy blue eyes, nearly hiding the purple splotch on her left cheek bone._

_ I reached forward without much thought and brushed her hair back. "Got yourself into a fight?" I asked. She shook her head. "Mugged? Raped?" No once again. I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Domestic violence?"_

_ She spluttered and smoothed down her uniform skirt. I took note of the subconscious habit. "Damn, I-" I stopped misstatement, rubbing the back of my neck anxiously. I considered lighting another cigarette. "Hey, blondie, look at me" I said, in a softer tone than before._

_ She looked up with slight reluctance, rubbing her arm as a small shiver ran down her spine. "It's cold out here" I stated, "why don't head back to my apartment with me? It'll give you a chance to warm up, and I'll help you figure out where to go from there."_

_ She shot me a disbelieving look and I raised my hands in surrender upon realizing what it sounded like I was implying. "I swear, no funny business. Just let me help out. I know what it feels like to have nowhere else to go."_

_ She rubbed her palms against her skirt again. "Fine" she stated, "but don't expect any favors in return."_

_ "Wouldn't dream of it" I muttered in response._

* * *

"Christa!" Sasha shouted as we approached the flock of kids by the school's entrance. She scampered over, half of her mouth still filled with whatever she had decided to snack on during the walk over. "We're in the same class again!"

As Sasha bounced around in excitement, Christa gave her a glowing smile. "Oh! And Ymir's with us this year!"

I grinned down at the shorter after hearing the news. My blonde friend shot me what appeared to be a forced smirk. I leaned down, both hands placed on my hips. "Guess what, blondie, I get to nag you both in class _and_ after now" I whispered.

"Eren, hold on! Mikasa will get mad if we don't wait for her!" shouted Armin as he trudged after his green eyed friend.

We went inside to get our lockers situated, and soon enough Christa and I were entering the classroom we'd be spending the entirety of the school year in. The teacher wasn't present, but multiple students had already arrived and were huddled around a few desks.

The bell rang and students went rushing to take their seats. Christa sat towards the center of the classroom close to Sasha and Connie who were arguing about the death of some manga character.

"I'm telling you, it's not that simple! A random elite can't just kill one of the most powerful shinigami!" Sasha shouted.

"Of course he can! You're misinterpreting the concept!" Connie yelled back.

I sat behind Christa and tried to block out their irritating squabble. I barely noticed when the entirety of the class became silent upon the entrance of a short, dark haired man mere moments later.

"Morning, brats" he greeted with an upturned nose. "My name is Levi. You may simply call me that, or if you prefer, Corporal." He placed a stack of papers and textbooks on the large desk at the front of the class. "Your full time teacher, Hanji, is a fucking ass who flew to Europe right before the beginning of school. And now she can't book a flight back. So I, reluctantly, will be your substitute for the first four days."

Many students stared in awe at the man's blatantly crass tone and speech mannerisms. A hand shot up in the back.

"What?" Levi snapped.

"So" the kid drawled, "you're not our teacher?"

"That's what I just said, moron."

The classroom stilled, and Armin leaned over to whisper to Mikasa "is he allowed to openly insult us?"

"I believe so" she muttered back. Her glare hardened as Levi quietly approached Eren, who was currently slouched over, fast asleep.

Levi took one of the student's heavy textbooks, and with utter diligence, he slammed it against Eren's desk. The young man shot up, wide awake and slightly panicked. "Forty-two!" Eren shouted, swiftly looking side to side before his gaze landed on Levi.

"Don't sleep in my fucking class" the substitute hissed. "Two weeks detention."

Armin visibly face-palmed as the class released a unanimous groan at the brunette's confused stare. Let's just say, that wasn't the extent of Levi's strict reign.

* * *

"_You don't clean often do you?" the blonde asked, slowly entering my small apartment. It consisted of a living room connected to a one person kitchen, and a door leading to my room with an adjoining bathroom. The place was dusty and dimly lit, but it was livable._

_ "Do you really feel the need to insult every aspect of my life?" I asked, removing my thick sweatshirt. The suicidal girl had commented on my appearance, my speech, and even how I walked during the entire way here._

_ "Not every aspect" she mumbled. "I never mentioned how disgusting it is that you reek of smoke."_

_ "Well thanks for sparing me that heartache" I said sarcastically, shooting her a look of exasperation. Who would have known that this stray would turn out to be such a know-it-all ass?_

_ "Do you want coffee?" I offered, making my way into the kitchen._

_ "Tea" she responded, then quickly added, "if you have any."_

_ I nodded and set the kettle to boil, then moved to take a seat on the old sofa next to her. She scooted away slightly, and I sighed._

_ "Mom or dad?" I asked. It took a moment for her to process my inquiry._

_ "Dad" she finally answered. "My mom's dead, not that she would stop him anyway."_

_ I smirked at the all too familiar tone of complete and utter numbness. "So what about you? Why do you live alone?" she spoke up._

_ "Ah, my mom kicked me out. Claimed she wasn't going to support a fag of a daughter" I said smoothly, having already mastered the art of nonchalance._

_ "I thought I picked up a gay vibe from you" she said. But unlike most people, she didn't spit out the words like they would burn her tongue by simple utterance._

_ The kettle whistled and I easily rose to pour her cup of tea. "Here" I offered, handing the girl the hot mug. It was chipped and well worn, a common trait held by all of all my belongings._

_ "You haven't old me your name yet" I stated, leaning back against the cushion._

_ "Neither have you."_

_ I snorted in an attempt to laugh. "Alright. I'm Ymir, a first year" I said, glancing back over at her._

_ "Christa" she spoke quietly. "Same."_

Christa_, I thought, rolling the name across the tip of my tongue. It sounded familiar. Christa… Christa… Christa… Lenz!_

_ "Christa Lenz!" I shouted, pointing at her in shock. "You're the angel of class 1B!"_

_ She rolled her eyes, obviously well acquainted with the name._

_ "Wait… then why are you such a bitch?" I asked with genuine curiosity._

_ "It's a survival technique" Christa answered, blowing at the steam that rose off the top of the mug, "acting nice, that is. I figured if I was gentle and quiet and friendly, like girls are supposed to be, I'd be remembered fondly. Maybe I'd hold some sort of purpose in this fucked up world. So far all I've felt though, is… empty."_

_ "So you resorted to killing yourself?" I enunciated with a disbelieving scoff. "You know, I really hate people like you. Quitting easily and living for those around you. Why don't you try living for yourself? Being artificial does you no good."_

_ "Don't lecture me" she snapped._

_ "Why shouldn't I? You know what I said is true!" I exclaimed, rising to my feet._

_ Christa gritted her teeth and set the mug of tea atop a small table. "I'm leaving" she announced. _

_ "Fine! Quit on this conversation too!" I shouted, throwing a jacket in her direction. She caught it, an expression of thorough confusion adorning her face._

_ "Wha-"_

_ "It's cold outside" I answered evenly, "you'll get sick if you aren't careful."_

_ She looked down at the piece of clothing in her hands, donning a slight blush. "I-I'm not going to thank you or anything."_

_ "Wasn't planning on it."_

_ She waited a moment longer, then reached toward the door and slowly swung it open. She was preparing to leave, then I said "Christa."_

_ She paused. "If it gets to the point where you can't handle it again, you know where to find me."_

_ Then she merely left without another word, slamming the door on her way out. And yet, despite everything that had been said, she returned. Again, and again, and again._

* * *

"My dad keeps nagging me about where I've spending my afternoons" Christa droned, sifting through the cupboards in my kitchen.

"Well you can tell him to fuck off" I replied, scrolling through the blonde's contact list on her phone.

"Trust me, I've tried" she muttered. "You need to go grocery shopping."

"Tell that to my low income" I countered, stopping at a new name on the list. She paused as well upon noticing my lingering gaze.

"What?" Christa asked with a hint of annoyance.

"Who's Hirako?"

She looked down and walked back over to kitchen. "Christa." She opened the refrigerator and began shifting around various items. "Christa, who is he?"

"A third year" she replied without turning to look at me.

I thought for a moment, trying to place an image to the name. "You mean that thin guy with glasses?"

"He's tall" Christa supplied, closing the fridge and walking back over to the couch.

"Bertholdt is tall. You've never been interested in him" I argued.

"Bert is… Bert" she said with a shrug.

"Is this about your popularity complex?" I asked, leaning back and setting the phone down.

"It's not a popularity complex, and you know that. So what if I get a boyfriend? That's what normal girls do" Christa defended with an expression of agitation. She smoothed down her skirt.

I rubbed my forehead and released a heavy sigh. "That's just wrong. You aren't even attracted to men."

"Women either" she added, crossing her arms over her chest. "So stop getting so worked up in your fits of jealousy."

"Don't start this" I whispered, closing my eyes while pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Why shouldn't I? I'll stop bringing it up when you get ahold of your feelings" she reprimanded.

I hated this. I hated her. I knew she never meant to harm me, but when she got worked up there was no censorship, and in the end both of us got burned. I couldn't help that I had fallen in love with her. And I damn well couldn't help that she would never love me back.

"It's getting late, Ymir" Christa stated softly. "I need to leave."

I cleared my throat and opened my eyes to gaze up at her sullen form blearily. "Yeah, alright. Goodnight blondie."

"Night, smoke breath."

* * *

Two weeks passed, and Christa made progress with the Goddamn third year. People had begun to talk about the two, claiming that they'd be "the cutest couple in the school." I found myself smoking more often, even taking bathroom breaks during class only to walk out back and have more than a few drags.

On Wednesday I sulked through the halls, halting when I sighted Christa fake giggling next to the glasses wearing kid. "You're so funny, senpai!" She said with a small squeal of delight. Her eyes were bright and she kept tucking stray locks of hair behind her ears, making her little act look rather believable. I suddenly felt very sick to the stomach.

As I turned to leave I bumped into Annie, who grumbled an apology. She looked up, and upon noticing it was me, glanced ahead at Christa. She frowned, sticking her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. "You should really try getting over her" Annie said. She pulled out a slip of paper with an address on it.

"You think I haven't tried?" I grumbled to my long time classmate.

She placed the slip of paper in my hand. "The third years are having a party at an abandoned warehouse this Friday. Connie managed to squeeze the address out of one of them. I'm sure there'll be plenty of alcohol, and most of all, girls."

"Are you, of all people, trying to hook me up?"

"I'm being a good friend. Be grateful, you asshole."

I released a small bark of laughter, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're a strange one, Leonhart."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever" she muttered while shrugging off my hand. The stiff blonde walked away, leaving me to gaze down at the thin slip, utterly conflicted.

So I went. There was no harm in letting loose every once in a while, except for the fact that not even ten minutes after I had arrived, I spotted the one person I was attempting to avoid.

Christa was latched onto that third year like a leech. I tried to slowly sink back into the drunken crowd, but the damned blondie spotted me before I could. She whispered a few things to what I assumed was her date, then made her way over to me. I inhaled the rest of the contents of the cup I had been holding. I felt a slight buzz and moved back to lean against a cold cement wall.

Lights pulsed, only worsening the alcohol's effect on my state of mind. When Christa finally made it over, the giddy expression had dripped off her face and her breath reeked of alcohol.

"I thought you hated crowds" she casually stated, resting a single hand on her hip. Her voice was slightly slurred and demeanor more laid back than usual.

"I'd say the same for you" I retorted, brushing hair out of my eyes.

"You look good" Christa commented, causing me to freeze. "I like the way those jeans fit you. And is that… eye liner?" She moved closer and stood on her tip toes to get a better look.

The proximity was too close for comfort, and I ordered my thundering heart to calm the fuck down. Christa leaned what seemed to be impossibly closer upon noticing my discomfort. "What is it, Ymir? I thought you would've liked being this close to me" she whispered.

"Back off, blondie, you're drunk" I advised, though halfheartedly. Self-control, I reminded myself. Acting on instinct would only further the damage. And the one getting burned would be none other than me.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my head down and drawing our bodies even nearer. "What happened?" I muttered, taking note of the deep purple blotch on her collarbone.

"It doesn't…" she inhaled and looked me straight in the eye, "matter."

Then before I could stop it, Christa smashed our lips together as the cacophony of sounds faded around us. Something had happened, and she wanted to forget. What was so wrong with helping a friend out?

I pulled her small frame impossibly close, and lifting her up, she wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. Her lips heatedly moved against mine, leaving my mind completely blank. I gasped as she bit my lip, then I quickly grabbed a fistful of hair, holding her head in place. I sucked on her bottom lip, and Christa tightened her hold around my neck in response.

Suddenly I was pinning her against the wall as our mouths moved in synchrony. The world around us was dead. All I had was this moment, and I damn well wasn't about to waste it.

Christa panted as we broke apart, I gasping for air as well. Her eyes were heavily lidded, and I realized that she was more intoxicated than I had originally assumed. Sighing, she leaned her head back against the wall.

Lowering the small girl back down to her feet, I quickly rethought my actions as her knees grew weak. I grabbed her before she could collapse. "Hey, blondie, you alright?" I asked with sincere concern.

"Mm" she moaned. No, this sudden drowsiness couldn't be due to simply alcohol alone. I ground my teeth and gently lifted Christa up, leaning her smaller frame against my shoulder.

"Oi, jackass!" I shouted, moving to grab Christa's third year bastard with my free hand. "What'd you give her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" He exclaimed, raising his hands in surrender. I saw the tip of a small plastic bag sticking out from his pocket. I yanked it out and waved it in front of his face.

"Don't know, my ass! You fucking drugged her" I growled, lifting the little rat up by his collar. "I swear, you touch Christa again, I'll kill you" I snarled, finally dropping him. He fell flat on his ass out of shock, and I carried the sleeping girl away as the multitude stared after us.

* * *

I took a long drag, relinquishing the feel of the poisonous smoke slowly rotting my already damaged lungs. The night air felt wonderful after wading through the stuffy atmosphere of the crowded warehouse.

I had brought Christa back to my apartment and let her sleep in my bed. She hadn't woken since we left, and no way in hell was I bringing her back to her old man's place. A couple of hours had passed and I'd received a few calls from our classmates. I assured them all that she was fine, just resting, and that we'd get back to them either the next day or Monday.

I exhaled with half lidded eyes, drowsiness weighing down my shoulders, but the evening's events struggled to keep me awake. I leaned heavily against the railing outside my apartment door, lazily watching as cars drove by like small flashes of light in the night's thick darkness.

I heard the soft turn of a knob, and I looked back to find Christa, wrapped up in one of my blankets, standing in the door frame. "Hey" she said, moving to lean beside me.

"Hey" I greeted back, placing the cigarette between my lips once again. I didn't say anything else. Honestly, I didn't feel like speaking. I hurt, Christa hurt, the whole Goddamn world hurt.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, rubbing her palms against the materials of her pants. Even with the absence of a skirt, she still had that nervous tick.

"Forget it" I mumbled through the smoke. Neither of us looked at each other. I think that was for the best. "What'd he do this time?"

Christa released a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes. "He heard I was going to the fucking party, so he threw a book at me." She placed her fingers over the angry mark on her pale skin.

"Just say the word and I'll put that bastard in his place" I stated, blinking lazily.

"You can't solve violence with violence." She wasn't even irritated, just… tired.

The inky black sky wasn't much to look at, yet I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes off of it. Sometimes I compared humanity to that seemingly endless vortex. Dark, cold, and thoroughly unreadable. And most of the time, completely unreachable.

"I… I need to know one thing" I said, taking a drag between statements. "People do honest things when they're drunk. I just want to know, was that kiss an honest act? Or… was it nothing?"

"Ymir" Christa whispered with a hint of exasperation.

"Please. If it meant nothing, just tell me, and I'll know it's time to give up on you." I finally turned to her. I felt heartbroken, and it probably showed, and for once Christa looked the same. "I will give up on you."

She inhaled deeply, already accustomed to the smoke that lingered wherever I was. "It…" She pushed her hair back and blinked tiredly. "It meant nothing. I was drunk, and confused, and that's the extent of it. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." I looked down at the cigarette between my fingers. I was nearing the end of it, and I swallowed every ounce of pain thudding inside of my chest as the tobacco's ash fell to asphalt below. "There's never been a reason for you to be sorry in the first place."

* * *

**AN: Drop a review on your way out, ne?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: The second part is finally here. Took me long enough, haha. I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed the first part, and thanks to all your requests, we now have this continuation. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin nor its wonderful array of characters.**

* * *

The spring months passed by in a dull whirlwind of numb schooldays. Christa halted her routine of showing up at my doorstep in the mornings after that rather notable night. As time went by I stopped being able to recall exactly what we had been discussing. All I could really remember was that inkblot of a sky and the probability of getting utterly lost within it.

As our small town crept its way into late June, sweaters were shed and uniform restrictions became a little looser. Although now I didn't have anyone to complain about how my shirt was one too many buttons undone.

I glared at my mirrored image, mood only worsening by the sunken scowl reflected across the glass. My skin had already begun to darken under the ever-present sun, leaving my freckles almost unnoticeable unless one looked close. As if anyone ever did.

I backed away from the mirror and grabbed my schoolbag, sluggishly heading toward the door. The air conditioning was in need of repair, and I suppose that was the only thing tugging me back to the bland establishment that was my high school day after day. I wanted to skip, I really did, but I'd roast in the damn apartment and it's not like there was anywhere else for me to go.

My phone vibrated from inside my pocket as I locked the door behind me. Tugging it out, I stared with only mild interest at the caller ID. After a few moments standing in the thick, humid air, I finally caved and answered the device.

"What?" I drawled, already beginning to descend the bright metallic stairway.

"Such a pleasant greeting" Annie noted monotonously. "Where are you? Armin's freaking out because _you_ have the project's research paper."

I wracked my brain, attempting to remember what, exactly, she was talking about. _Oh_, I thought, _that_. The three of us had been assigned to do some huge term project that included a paper and a physical module. Annie took care of the construction, Armin wrote the paper, and I typed it out.

"You have it, don't you?" she asked, a hint of exasperation creeping its way into her tone.

"Of course" I supplied, drawing closer to the large building. "I may be lazy, but I'm not thoroughly irresponsible." I turned the corner and stepped onto the school grounds.

Annie snorted in what I'd assume is a sign of amusement. "Just get here by second period or Armin will throw a major hissy fit" she quipped, promptly hanging up thereafter.

I sighed, already at the establishment's entrance. Swinging open the door, I felt sweet relief as the cool air washed over me. There were virtually no students in the entryway, and as I passed through the hallways, the absence of anyone else was a common theme. I must have been later than I had originally assumed.

"Ymir" Hanji stated as I walked through the classroom door. "You're late."

"I'm well aware" I replied, taking my seat towards the back. Sensei simply rolled her eyes, well accustomed to my frequent attitudes. The rest of class paid me little to no attention, and soon enough I was zoning out as Hanji began speaking once again.

My gaze drifted toward the window where bright rays bore through the glass, unnecessarily heating the small room. There were four trees in the courtyard, two on each side in a parallel fashion. Their leaves had deepened to a darker green hue, making the swaying branches of each plant look livelier than they had earlier in the year.

Birds sung and chirped, the cacophony blotting out every word of the humans around me, turning everything else besides the repeated song into simple, white noise. My eyes drooped. Maybe they'd do me a favor and sing my mind to sleep.

"Ymir" a voice spoke an undeterminable amount of time later. "Ymir." They snapped their fingers in front of my blank face. I blinked a couple of times to readjust to my surroundings.

Annie stood beside the desk with arms crossed over her chest, adorning her usual mild scowl. "The paper?"

"Ah, yeah" I muttered, slowly reaching down to retrieve said item. "I-"

I stopped, barely even beginning my statement when she walked through the door. On her rise to social domination, Christa had moved up a class, ensuring her a spot with the brightest kids on campus. Keeping us from ever crossing paths.

"Petra-sensei would like to know if she could borrow your stapler" Christa said to Hanji, the corners of her mouth twitching up into a small smile. I bit the inside of my cheek, resisting the urge to shout _fake _in her direction. What did I expect? The petite blonde has to suck up to the whole Goddamn world.

"Oi" Annie snapped, snatching the sheets of paper from my still fingers. "Get your head out of the clouds, Ymir." I swallowed a lump in my throat. I don't remember the rest of the day's events.

* * *

The first day of summer vacation was spent in a coffee shop, earbuds in, music turned up as high as it would go without damaging my body, and an iced black coffee on the table in front of me, left untouched.

I leaned back into the plastic covering of the seat's cushion, not particularly interested in doing anything. I leaned forward and took a reluctant sip of the icy beverage, wincing at the bitter taste. Black was too bitter, anything else was just too sweet. It seemed my palette could never make up its mind on what it wanted.

I caught the movement of two people through the corner of my eye. Glancing over to get a better took, I had to blink in astonishment. "Eren?" I asked, sitting up slightly and pulling the right earbud out. "And _Levi_?"

The younger made an expression as if he had been caught red-handed. A slight blush dusted his cheeks as he realized there was no worming his way out of this. "Ah… Hah, hey, Ymir" he awkwardly greeted, quickly throwing a glance at his frowning counterpart still standing just a few steps away.

Looking between the two, I pieced together the puzzle and a grin began to spread its way across my lips. "How'd this happen?" I asked in a knowing tone.

Eren's shoulders slumped forward slightly, realizing that he had been found out. But instead of the brunette answering, Levi did. "The entire week I substituted, this brat wouldn't leave me alone. Kept on insisting for my number."

"And I succeeded" Eren stated with a proud smirk.

My eyebrows rose is surprise. "The age difference doesn't bother you?" I asked, glancing at both of them.

Eren shrugged. "If it did, I wouldn't have tried so hard to get him" he replied, latching onto to the elder's arm. Levi simply rolled his eyes, but I noticed the hint of amusement sparkling behind his cold façade. Levi nudged Eren, making it known that he was ready to leave.

"Well, see you in a couple weeks" Jaeger said, already moving toward the exit, boyfriend (?) in tow.

I leaned against the table, head held up by my palms. The sun had shifted lower, reminding me that midday would soon descend into night. I played with the coffee cup's plastic straw, yet found no entertainment from the small act. At this point Christa would have scolded me for not drinking the beverage, claiming I didn't have the money to be wasting on such trivial items. Then she'd probably steal the coffee without another word.

I shook my head, attempting to rid all thoughts of the blonde. I gathered my belongings, and started the trek home.

* * *

"Mikasa's dragging to a hot springs a few towns down. You should come with us" Annie suggested over the phone, though she wasn't exactly enthused about the idea.

I leaned back against the old sofa of my apartment, stretching although I'd barely moved an inch all day. I lit another cigarette, only slightly bothered by the smoke already fogging up the household. The room was not only smoky; it was stuffy. Maybe I'd go out when the sun set, and buy some groceries while I was at it. I could check if they have that ginger tea that Christa lik-

"No. I'd just be a third wheel. Besides, there are only a few days of the break left. You should be spending that time with your girlfriend, not someone as lazy and depressing as me."

"Ym-"

"If you're that determined to bring your sex life to a complete halt, I suggest you invite Sasha. She loves those sorts of girly, friendly trips. Although, you should be sure the hotel offers a buffet. Otherwise your dining bills are going to be particularly high" I finished, sitting up with a long yawn. I glanced at the dusty clock on the kitchen wall, _tick-tick_ing the summer away. Seven o'clock, the convenience store closed at eight.

"Whatever. In twenty years when you're bitter and alone, don't say I didn't try" Annie reprimanded. Mikasa shouted something in the background. She sighed into the speaker. "You need to do _something_, Ymir. Because laying around and thinking about her will get you nowhere."

"I know" I stated, biting the inside of my cheek. I released another breath of poisonous excess into the atmosphere. "Night, Leonhart. And don't get too wild at those hot springs" I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

She snorted. "As if Mikasa would let me." We ended the call. I picked up my wallet and left the apartment.

* * *

There were stars out. That was the first thing I noticed upon exiting the convenience store, holding two plastic bags of groceries. They all seemed to be watching me. Glaring, perhaps. One could never tell when it came to inanimate objects.

A couple of streetlights sluggishly flickered on, casting their dull light on the gray pavement below. Moths and various other flying creatures crowded around the new source of artificial warmth. I swear if their tiny insect wings made sounds that could be heard by the human ear, they'd blot out the cicadas with the most horrifying resonation of buzzing.

I blew a strand of hair out of my eyes, walking ahead like there was no real destination. I heaved a sigh and wished I had brought my half packet of cigarettes along. At least smoking was mildly entertaining.

Laughter erupted from my left. It echoed across the alley walls, assuring me that the noise occurred quite a ways away. They were jeering, I realized. Deep, taunting tones like hyenas mocking their prey.

_Just leave it alone, Ymir,_ I reprimanded myself, _it's none of your fucking business_.

I resisted the urge, counting the moments as I passed. One… They quieted… Two… A few stray giggles… Three… A roaring guffaw followed by the sound of skin against pavement. I dropped the plastic bags, flexing my fingers in preparation. Just a glance, I reminded myself. A small look-

Blonde hair. Small body. Pale girl.

Christa. On the pavement. Blood.

I was moving blindly without a comprehensible thought. Before I could realize my own actions, two were already on the ground, one out cold and the other holding his head. I grabbed the third, the final, the top hyena, and slammed him against the alley wall. He was a good two inches shorter than me. Perfect.

"Mind telling me why she's on the ground?" I spoke, attempting to hold back the growl rising in my throat.

"She was," deep inhale, "mouthin' us off like," strangled exhale, "the damn bitch she is." The corners of my mouth twitched up. I was going to eat these kids alive.

"Ymir" Christa muttered as she wearily struggled to her feet. Her knees were already bruising, deep red beneath her right eye. And blood, on her thigh. They cut her thigh. "Stop."

I froze, boiling blood threatening to freeze over. Stop? Stop what? From bashing these animals' heads into the concrete like they'd done to her body? From cackling as they bled, groaned, whimpered like they'd done to her?

She rubbed her palms against her skirt, accidentally smearing the blood oozing out of the gash on her leg. "What are you doing out here with these dimwitted fucks?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from the brat I still had pinned against the wall.

"We… Were hanging out. They said they'd walk me home, and…" She trailed off. Was she embarrassed? Humiliated? Or just empty? I began to wonder if she had opened up her cavernous chest, waiting in anticipation for yet another beast to gnaw on her bones, suck out the marrow, make a meal of her intestines. Hollow her out more than she already was.

"If I can't bash their skulls in for what was probably attempted rape" I paused, and released a heavy breath in hopes of the anger bubbling inside my stomach to seep out. "Can I at least bring you home? Safely?" I asked quietly.

She pushed blonde locks behind her ear, blue eyes impossibly dull. "Yeah." I released the top hyena, held in my satisfaction as he struggled for air. _Let him wheeze_, I thought, _let him breathlessly writhe for hours_.

Christa grabbed the belt loop of my jeans, tugging me away without actually touching me. And the thought occurred that maybe I'd never feel the smooth touch of her skin again. At this rate, her existence will be devoured within a matter months.

* * *

"You should really be more careful about who you hang around, especially when there's no one trustworthy close by" I supplied, walking next to Christa with grocery bags in hand. We were close, yet far enough that my arm would never graze hers.

"Trustworthy?" She echoed, which was followed by a humorless chuckle. "I can't recall having any such thing as trust in my life. And why are you lecturing me? I don't see how my problems are relevant to you any longer."

"Christa" I said softly. She looked up. "You don't need to push yourself to such an extent. I'm sure there's a way to achieve your goals without giving up yourself as a whole. No mask is worth dying for."

She stopped walking and clutched the hem of her short skirt, eyes downcast and mouth set in a thin line. "What are you talking about?"

The street lamp above us flickered out for a moment, and as it came back on I had to wait for my eyes to adjust to the new level of lighting. The moths continued to swarm overheard, unaware of the momentary change.

"What do you mean 'yourself'? I'm a shell of a human. I don't have any dreams or aspirations. Barely anything to gain, and certainly not a thing to lose. You know this, Ymir… I'm hollow."

I tightened my grip on the plastic in both palms. "If you have nothing, then work for something, dammit!" I shouted. Christa's head whipped up, shock crossing her face. True emotion. She had finally shown me she was capable of feeling.

"What you're doing now won't bring you happiness or fulfillment, and in the back of your head you know that. You don't have to lie to yourself just because you've been taught that this is the extent of your ability. You don't have to sacrifice your body in order to be praised by men. You don't have to be quiet, petite, and soft spoken. What is it you truly want, Christa?" I exclaimed, slightly out of breath.

She gaped, caught completely off guard. Her eyes flicked back and forth from a spot behind me to my eyes. She was nervous, I could tell, and confused and so many other things. But that was what amazed me. She was letting these emotions free, an action she had never thought possible.

"I-I" Christa stuttered. Christa didn't ever stutter. "I don't know."

"Well there's a start" I stated, leaning back on the heels of my feet. She knit her brows with inquiring eyes. "Now all you have to do is find something you want."

I looked behind me. Christa's father's home was just a couple of houses down. She'd fine from here. I began to walk back in the direction of my apartment. Her eyes followed me as I took the first few steps, perplexed as to why I was suddenly leaving.

"Christa" I added. Her eyes were bright as she gazed back at me. "When you find that one thing you want, go for it with all you're got. And don't you dare hold back."

She was stoic for seconds on end, hair standing out against the inky black sky. The bright stars, rarely visible, but now present, only managed to highlight its golden sheen. She nodded, and I turned my back.

* * *

The old clock on my dirty kitchen wall kept track of the weeks that passed, second by second. The past few days, the clouds poured out all the contents within themselves, breathing life back into the scorching earth and giving the heat hazed humans a short break from the scalding sun.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, particularly rainy and damp in the least dreary way. I inhaled a long drag of tobacco, feeling the sweet relief of the poison stick wash over my body. I hadn't smoked for two days, and I had begun to feel an itch within me like a monster waiting to claw itself out.

After that night when I left Christa speechless and full of foreign emotions, I hadn't seen or heard from her. Despite that, I picked up that she had been slacking in her classes and was facing the possibility of being placed back on the regular curriculum. The glossed up girls that roamed the hallways between classes mentioned that she hadn't had a boyfriend in weeks. It was apparently a very strange occurrence.

Then finally, the silence was broken as a shivering blonde wound up outside my apartment door. She was soaking wet, tattered, and mildly bruised. But she was smiling. And oddly enough, I couldn't tell where the façade ended and where the real Christa began.

"I figured it out" she stated, pushing her way into the apartment like she did months prior. Her dripping hair left a trail of rainwater on my floor and I held back a snarky comment on behalf of her frighteningly pleasant mood.

"What's with the bag?" I asked, glancing down at said item held up by her slim, pale fingers.

"My dad kicked me out" she said simply. I blanched. Taking note of my shocked expression, she added, "my test scores were faltering, I stopped pretending, so he kicked me out. I'm" she inhaled deeply, "I'm finally free."

"That's great, but uh, did you just assume you'd stay here or something?" I inquired, still confused as to why she had arrived in the first place. The kitchen light caught the newfound glimmer in Christa's eye, and my breath hitched. Something had changed.

"That brings us back to my previous topic. I figured it out, Ymir" she said, just as vague as the first time. I took another long drag, in dire need of the drug's comfort.

"Figured what out?"

"What it is that I want" she answered. Christa dropped her bag and took three steps closer. I pulled the cigarette away from my lips with a sudden curiosity. I leaned down with narrowed eyes.

"Oh? And what could that be?" I asked, my voice growing hoarse by the sudden proximity. The situation felt familiar. Yet neither of us were under any kind of influence. I began to question whether or not I was awake.

"You" she whispered against my lips. Her frail arms snaked their way up until they circled my neck, drawing me even further downward and closer.

"A-are you sure?" I stuttered against her lips, left arm already moving to circle her waist while the right still had a cigarette perched between two fingers.

"Ymir" Christa muttered as her eyes slowly fluttered close. "Do you still love me?"

I paused for a moment, mentally debating my answer. I had tried to quit, attempted it countless times over the past few months. And yet, I always failed. No matter what I did, where I was, I couldn't get the blonde out of my mind. She was an ever-present idea, a desire I couldn't shake. And finally, after so long, here she was. Willingly, without regret, _happy_ in my arms.

"How could I ever stop?"

Our lips melded together in the next instant. It was softer than before, but not lacking the hunger I had experienced with our previous encounter. She still managed to make my insides flutter with something indescribable. And I couldn't suppress the urge to never let her go. Christa deepened the kiss, and I gladly complied.

I reached down toward the ash tray on my coffee table, and with a newfound determination, I snuffed the cigarette placed between my fingers. It mixed with the ash of the pieces of tobacco that I would never again light.

As we parted, I inhaled deeply, feeling the air spread and bring relief to my weary lungs. And the most fascinating part of it all, I finally felt alive.

* * *

**AN: Feel free to let me know what you thought with a much appreciated review.**


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